Diapers, Deadlines & Doubts: What Life Is Teaching Me at Midnight

Thursday night. Nasibi on my Spotify. All three boys down for the night. Thoughts rushing in. Doubts bubble up. For some reason, I feel vulnerable.

It’s in these quiet hours that the noise of the world fades, and the real noise begins; the one inside my head. The one that questions, dreams, remembers, and sometimes fears. I’m a woman, a single mama of three incredible boys, a professional trying to hold it all together, and a soul just a little afraid of what lies ahead.

Some nights feel heavier than others. Tonight is one of them.

But over the years, through joy, heartbreak, diapers, deadlines, and deep personal growth, life has taught me a few profound lessons. They’ve become my quiet truths. Maybe you’ll see yourself in them too.

1. Strength doesn’t always look like a roar.

Sometimes strength is waking up at 3 a.m. to soothe a teething baby and still showing up for that Zoom meeting. It’s holding your tongue when you’re frustrated, or choosing to rest when everything screams hustle. As women, we’re taught to be “strong” but I’ve learned that softness, rest, and asking for help are strengths too.

2. You are allowed to be more than one thing.

Mother. Dreamer. Professional. Woman. Sometimes we’re told to pick one role and stay in that lane. But I’ve learned to hold space for all of me. I can chase goals and still be present with my boys. I can be ambitious and tender. I can cry on Thursday nights and rise with clarity on Friday mornings. We are complex and that’s okay.

3. Fear doesn’t mean you’re failing.

That fear you feel about the future? It’s not weakness, it’s humanity. I’ve feared being “too much” and also “not enough.” I’ve feared starting over, being alone, and being forgotten. But fear walks beside courage. Every big move I’ve made started with a heart full of what-ifs.

4. Joy lives in the smallest corners.

EJ's belly laugh. A solo trip to the supermarket. Hot tea before sunrise. A text from a friend. That one song on Spotify that knows exactly how you feel. Life isn’t always fireworks. Sometimes, it’s the quiet flicker of a candle that keeps you going.

5. You’re allowed to want more and still be grateful.

It’s okay to love your children with every fiber of your being and still long for companionship, purpose, freedom, or rest. Guilt has no place in our dreams. Gratitude and ambition can hold hands.

So tonight, as Nasibi plays and I sit with this strange mix of gratitude and doubt, I remind myself: I’ve made it through 100% of my worst days. I’ve laughed harder than I thought possible. I’ve created life and kept it alive with love and tears and noodles.

I don’t know what lies ahead. But I know who I am, vulnerable, yes. But also brave. Still dreaming. Still standing. Still showing up.

And that, my dear reader, is enough.