Elsa, Where Is Your Huzband?

One of my reads in 2023 was Yinka, Where Is Your Huzband? by Lizzie Damilola Blackburn. Today, I was reminded of that book.

Not once or twice have I been told how hard it will be to raise boys on my own. “You’ll get tired,” they say. “These things catch up with you in old age.” “A woman needs some sense of security, especially from a husband, moreso in old age.” “But how will you raise boys with no father figure?”

I get it. Most people mean well. They worry. They imagine the nights when the load feels heavy, or the years ahead when the kids are grown and the house feels quiet. What they can’t fully understand is that I’ve learned to carry my life with grace, even when it gets messy. And right now, I’m OK. I am doing my best, and I’m at peace.

Yes, I’m raising my two older boys mostl on my own. It’s not always easy. It comes with hard questions, unmatched socks, exhaustion, and so much second-guessing. But it also comes with laughter, cuddles, growth, and a kind of bond that only gets stronger through the fire.

My youngest son does have a present father. And I acknowledge and appreciate that. He tries to show up for all of them, even when it's complicated, even when it's not picture-perfect. That effort matters.

And I haven’t done it alone. My brother has been one of our biggest blessings. He’s been solid, steady, and dependable. Whether it’s a quick check-in, a weekend hangout, or a fatherly talk, he’s filled a gap in a way only someone who genuinely cares can.

Still, I know what people are really trying to say: “You should settle down.”But let me say this clearly, settling down with a man just because we have a baby is not in my plan. I will marry out of want, not need.

There’s power in that distinction.

I refuse to confuse partnership with dependency. I won’t stay just to avoid being alone, or to make other people feel more comfortable with my life choices. If and when I marry, it will be because there is mutual love, respect, alignment and desire. Not obligation. Not pressure. Not fear.

I remember a line from Yinka, Where Is Your Huzband?: “You are not less because you are single.” That truth has carried me through many moments of doubt.

I won’t romanticize this journey. Raising boys without the traditional “dad in the home” setup is tough. It comes with its own set of unique challenges. But what I offer my children, love, structure, faith, safety, values is real and deeply rooted.

They are not growing up in lack. They are growing up in love.

Will the future look different? Possibly. Maybe God will still surprise me with someone who sees my whole journey and chooses to love it all, the scars, the strength, and the story. But I’m not sitting around waiting to be rescued.

I’m living. I’m building. And when that love finds me, it will be the icing, not the cake.

For now, this is enough. And I am enough.