Where Was the Man?

In many communities, ours included, women are often held to impossible standards. From what we wear, to how we speak, to whom we love, society has always had a microscope on women’s lives. And when it comes to blame, it’s rarely shared equally.

Let’s take it back to a well-known story in the Bible.

A woman is caught in the act of adultery. She’s dragged into the public square, surrounded by angry men with stones in their hands, ready to end her life in the name of righteousness.

But where was the man?

Scripture says she was caught in the act. That means there were two people involved. And yet only one is brought out, shamed, and prepared for punishment. The other, silent, invisible, untouched by shame.

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Centuries later, this story still echoes in our homes, our churches, our schools, our WhatsApp groups. When a woman is pregnant and unmarried, we rush to whisper, judge, and question her choices. We rarely pause to ask: where is the man? 

When a marriage falls apart, blame often lands on the woman’s shoulders: she wasn’t patient enough, submissive enough, respectful enough. When a scandal hits, the woman is the headline; the man fades into the footnotes.

But in this ancient story, something revolutionary happens.

Jesus doesn’t join the mob. Instead, He stoops down, draws in the sand, and then says, “Let the one who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Silence.

One by one, they drop their stones and walk away. He then turns to the woman and says,“Has no one condemned you? Then neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

This story isn’t just about forgiveness, it’s about equality, accountability, and the courage to call out double standards. It challenges us, especially those of us in community leadership, families, or faith spaces, to ask hard questions.

Let’s be honest, it’s easier to blame than to be fair. But fairness is what we need. Accountability is for everyone. And grace? Grace is for everyone.

So the next time you feel tempted to judge a woman for her choices or her circumstances, ask yourself, Where was the man? And more importantly, Am I holding this stone out of justice or out of habit?

Let’s rebuild a community where everyone, men and women, is seen, heard, and held to the same standard of truth, dignity, and grace.